THE DUKE AND DUCHESS were extremely delighted to see how well don Quixote was responding to their plan, and just then Sancho said: “I wouldn’t want this señora duenna to put some stumbling block in the way of my promised government, because I heard an apothecary from Toledo—and he spoke as beautifully as a goldfinch sings—say that when duennas interfere, nothing good can come out of it. So help me God! How that apothecary bore a grudge against duennas, and since they all are vexatious and troublesome, no matter what their rank and disposition is, I have to wonder how the distressed one, as they’ve said this Countess Three Skirts or Three Trains is, because in my region skirts and trains, trains and skirts, it’s all the same.”
“Hush, Sancho my friend,” said don Quixote. “Since this señora duenna has come from such a long way to seek me, she must not be one of the ones that the apothecary was thinking of. Moreover this one is a countess, and when countesses serve as duennas, it must be like they’re serving queens and empresses, for countesses are great ladies who are waited upon by other duennas.”
To this doña Rodríguez responded: “My lady the duchess has duennas in her service who could have been countesses if Fortune had favored them. But «laws go as kings will» and no one should speak ill of duennas, especially of the old maids, who, although I’m not one of them myself, I can understand and appreciate the advantage that a maiden duenna has over a widowed one, and «he who sheared us still has the shears in his hand».”
“Even so,” replied Sancho, “there’s so much to shear in duennas, according to my barber, that «it would be better not to stir the rice, even though it sticks».”
“Squires always,” responded doña Rodríguez, “are our enemies, since they’re elves of antechambers, and they see us all the time, the times that they’re not praying—and there are many such—they spend gossiping about us, digging up our bones, and burying our good name. Well, I’d like to send them to the galleys, because, even though they don’t like the idea, we too have to live in the world and in noble houses, although we may die of hunger and we may cover our delicate, or not-so-delicate flesh with nun’s habits, as one covers a dung-heap with a tapestry on the day of the procession. I swear that if I were allowed and the occasion demanded, I would make not only those present but everyone understand that there’s no virtue that duennas don’t possess.”
“I believe,” said the duchess, “that my good doña Rodríguez is right, very right, but she must wait for some other time to defend herself and the other duennas, to refute the bad opinion of that apothecary, and take away the one that the great Sancho Panza holds in his heart.”
To which Sancho responded: “Since I’ve tasted a bit what it’s like to be a governor I’ve lost something of the pettiness of being a squire and I don’t care a wild fig for all the duennas in the world.”
The conversation about duennas would have continued if the music of the fife and drums hadn’t started up again, from which they understood that the Distressed Duenna was coming. The duchess asked the duke if it would be good to go out to welcome her since she was a countess and a noble person.
“For what she has of a countess,” responded Sancho before the duke could say anything, “I agree we should go out to welcome her, but for what she has of a duenna, I’m of the opinion that we shouldn’t move a muscle.”
“Who brought you into this, Sancho?” said don Quixote.
“Who, señor?” responded Sancho. “I brought myself, and I can, too, as a squire who has learned courtesy in your grace’s school, since you’re the most courteous and best-mannered knight in the realm of courtesy, and in these matters, according to what I’ve heard your grace say, «you can lose as much by a card too many as by a card too few» and «a word to the wise is sufficient».”
“It’s as Sancho says,” said the duke. “We’ll see first what the countess is like and then we can gauge the courtesy due her.”
The fife and drums players appeared again as they had the first time.
And here the author ended this short chapter and began the next one dealing with the same adventure, which is one of the most notable ones in the history.