NIGHT FELL and with it the time when the famous horse Clavileño should come, and whose tardiness bothered don Quixote, since it seemed to him that if Malambruno was delaying in sending it to him that either he wasn’t the knight for whom this adventure was reserved, or Malambruno was afraid to engage in singular battle with him. But all of a sudden four wild men dressed in green ivy entered the garden and on their shoulders they were bearing a large horse made of wood.
They placed him on his feet and one of the wild men said: “May the person brave enough get up onto this horse.”
“Not me,” said Sancho, “I’m not getting up because I’m not brave enough nor am I a knight.”
And the wild man went on: “And may the squire, if there is any, sit on the crupper, and count on the gallant Malambruno, because if it’s not by Malambruno’s sword, the squire cannot be hurt by anyone else’s malice. And you only have to turn the peg that has been placed on his neck, and he’ll take you through the air to where Malambruno is waiting. But so that the altitude and loftiness of the way won’t make you dizzy, you have to blindfold your eyes until the horse neighs, and that will be the sign that your voyage is over.”
Having said this, they left Clavileño, and went back to where they had come from with a gentle demeanor. The Distressed One, as soon as she saw the horse, almost with tears in her eyes, said to don Quixote: “Brave knight, the promises of Malambruno have been fulfilled, the horse has arrived, our beards are growing, and each one of us, with every hair of our beards, beg you to shave and shear us since all you have to do is get on the horse to give a happy beginning to your novel voyage.”
“I’ll do it, señora Countess Trifaldi, very willingly, without taking time to find a cushion nor put spurs on so as not to delay, so eager am I to see you, señora, and all these duennas smooth and plain.” “I’ll not do it,” said Sancho, “either willingly or not, in no way. And if this shaving cannot be done unless I get on the crupper of this horse, my master can find another squire to go with him, and these women can find another way to smooth their faces. I’m not a wizard who likes to fly through the air. And what will my islanders think when they find out their governor goes around flying along with the wind? And here’s something else—since it’s more than three thousand leagues from here to Candaya, and if the horse gets tired or the giant gets vexed, it’ll take us half a dozen years to go there and come back, and there won’t be either an ínsula or islanders in the world who’ll know who I am. And since it’s commonly said that «danger lurks in delay» and «when they give you a heifer, run and fetch a halter», let the beards of these women excuse me, for «Saint Peter is at home in Rome». I mean I’m all right in this house, where so much kindness is shown me, and from whose owner I am to receive so great a boon as to see myself a governor.”
To which the duke responded, “Sancho, my friend, the ínsula that I’ve promised you will stay put and will not wander away. It has roots that reach into the bowels of the earth and they cannot be yanked out of where they are, even if you try three times to do it. And since you know there’s no kind of office of importance that’s not won without some kind of bribery, large or small, the bribe I want in exchange for this government is for you to go with your master don Quixote to bring about a happy conclusion to this memorable adventure. Whether you come back on Clavileño with the speed his swiftness promises, or if bad luck brings you back and you have to come back on foot as a pilgrim, from hostelry to hostelry, and from inn to inn, whenever you return, you’ll find your ínsula where you left it, and your islanders with the same desire they always have had to receive you, and my resolve will always be the same; and don’t doubt this truth, señor Sancho, for otherwise it would be quite an insult to the desire I have to serve you.”
“Say no more,” said Sancho. “I’m a poor squire and I don’t know how to respond to so much courtesy. Let my master mount and cover my eyes, and commend me to God, and tell me if I can commend my own self to our Lord while we’re flying, or invoke the angels who look over me.”
To which Trifaldi responded: “Sancho, you can commend yourself to God, or to whomever you wish. Malambruno, although he’s an enchanter, is a Christian, and performs his enchantments very wisely, and with consideration, meddling with no one.”
“All right then,” said Sancho, “may God and the Holy Trinity of Gaeta help me.”
“Since the memorable adventure of the fulling mills,” said don Quixote, “I’ve never seen Sancho as afraid as he is now, and if I were as superstitious as some are, his cowardice might make my courage waver. But come here, Sancho. If we can be excused for a moment from this company, I’d like to have a couple of words with you.”
And drawing away among some trees in the garden, and taking Sancho by both his hands, he said to him: “Now you see, Sancho brother, the long voyage that lies ahead of us, and God only knows when we’ll be back, and whether or not the business at hand will allow us some respite or opportunity for other activities. So, I would like it if you would withdraw into your room, as if you were going to look for something you need for the voyage, and right there give yourself a good portion of the three thousand three hundred lashes you’re obliged to, even if it’s just five hundred, then that part will be over, because «to have begun something is like having it half-done.”
“By God!” said Sancho, “your grace must be impaired! This is like what they say: «you see me pregnant and you want me to be a virgin?» I have to sit on a wooden plank and your worship wants me to make my rear end sore? In truth, in truth, your grace, you’re not right. Let’s shave these duennas now. When we get back I promise you on the faith of who I am, to speedily pay my debt so that you’ll be satisfied, and I say no more.”
And don Quixote responded: “Well, with that promise, good Sancho, I’m relieved and I believe you’ll fulfill it, because, in effect, although you’re unlettered, you’re a veracious man.”
“Voracious, no, even though I do get hungry once in a while,” said Sancho, “but even if I were voracious, I’d keep this promise.” So they went back to climb onto Clavileño, and when he mounted, don Quixote said: “Blindfold yourself, Sancho, and climb up. He who sends for us from such a long way away didn’t do it to trick us for the sake of the little glory he’d get by misleading those who trusted in him, and although everything can turn out differently from what I imagine, no malice can dim the glory of having undertaken this deed.”
“Let’s go, señor,” said Sancho, “because I have the beards of these ladies nailed to my heart, and I won’t eat a bite that tastes good to me until I see their faces smooth. Climb up first, your grace, and cover your eyes. Since I have to get up on the haunches, it’s obvious that the one who sits in the saddle has to go first.”
“That’s true,” replied don Quixote. And taking a handkerchief out of his pocket, he asked the Distressed One to cover his eyes, and once they were covered, he took the blindfold off and said: “If I remember correctly, I’ve read in Virgil that business of the Palladium of Troy, a horse made of wood that the Greeks gave to the goddess Pallas, and it was filled with armed soldiers, and turned out to be the total ruin of Troy. So I’d like to see what Clavileño has inside before we go.”
“There’s no need,” replied the Distressed One, “for I’ll vouch for the horse, and I know that Malambruno is neither mischievous nor traitorous. Your grace, señor don Quixote, can mount without fear, and I’ll be to blame if something goes awry.”
It seemed to don Quixote that anything he might say about his own safety would be to the detriment of his fame of being brave, and so without further debate, he mounted Clavileño, and tried the peg, which turned easily, and since there were no stirrups and his legs hung down, he looked just like a figure on a Flemish tapestry, painted or woven, in a scene of some Roman victory. Much against his will, Sancho slowly approached to mount, and settling himself as well as he could on the haunches, he found them to be a bit hard and not at all soft, and he asked the duke, if it was possible, to give him a cushion or pillow, even if it was from his lady the duchess’s drawing room or from the cot of some page, because the haunches of that horse seemed to be made more of marble than wood.”
To this Trifaldi replied that Clavileño couldn’t stand any kind of trapping or adornment. What he could do is sit side-saddle, and that way he wouldn’t feel the hardness so much. That’s what Sancho did, and saying good-bye, he let himself be blindfolded, and after his eyes were covered, he removed the blindfold and, looking tenderly at everyone with tears in his eyes, asked them to help him in his ordeal by each one saying one Our Father and one Hail Mary apiece so that God might provide them with people to say prayers for them if they found themselves in similar straits.
To which don Quixote said: “You thief! By chance are you on the gallows, or in the throes of death, to use such supplications? Aren’t you, you soulless and cowardly creature, sitting where the beautiful Magalona sat, and when she got down, it wasn’t to lower herself into her grave, but rather to become the queen of France, if the histories don’t lie? And I—who am at your side—I’ll be just like the valiant Pierres who sat in this same place that I now sit in. Blindfold yourself, I say, you spiritless animal, and don’t let another word about your fears come from your mouth, at least in my presence.”
“Blindfold me,” responded Sancho, “and since they don’t want me to commend myself, nor for me to be commended to God, is it any wonder that I’m afraid that some legion of devils might be lurking around that will snatch us away to Peralvillo?”
They blindfolded themselves again, and when don Quixote felt he was ready, he turned the peg a bit and hardly had he placed his finger on it when all the duennas and everyone present raised their voices and said: “May God guide you, brave knight! God be with you, intrepid squire! Now, right now, you’re flying through the air ripping through it faster than an arrow! You’re amazing and causing wonder in all those who are looking at you! Hold on, brave Sancho, for you’re tottering a bit. Be careful not to fall! Your fall would be worse than the one the daring lad had who tried to drive the chariot belonging to the Sun, his father.”
Sancho heard the shouts, and clutching his master tightly with both arms, said to him: “Señor, how is it that they can say that we’re so high in the air if their voices reach us, and it seems as if they’re right here, next to us?”
“Pay no attention to that, Sancho. Since these flights are so out of the ordinary, you can see and hear anything you like from a thousand leagues away. And don’t squeeze me so hard because you’ll make me fall. In truth I don’t know what is upsetting you or what you’re afraid of. I’ll swear that in all the days of my life I’ve never gotten on a horse that’s so smooth. It’s as if we haven’t moved a step. Banish your fear, my friend, for everything is turning out fine, and the wind is at our back.”
“That’s the truth,” responded Sancho, “because from this side I feel such a strong wind that seems like a thousand bellows are blowing at me.” And that was really so because some large bellows were blowing toward him. The adventure was so well planned by the duke and duchess and their steward that nothing was lacking to make it perfect.
When don Quixote felt the air, he said: “Without a doubt, Sancho, we must be in the second region of air, where hail and snow come from. Thunder and lightning are engendered in the third region, and if we keep going up in this way, soon we’ll be in the region of fire, and I don’t know how to turn this peg so that we won’t rise to where we’ll get burned.”
At this point, with some tow, which is easy to light and extinguish, from a distance away and suspended from sticks they warmed their faces. Sancho felt the heat and said: “May they strike me down if we aren’t in the region of fire or very near, because a large part of my beard has been singed and I’m about, señor, to take off my blindfold to see where we are.”
“You’ll do nothing of the kind,” responded don Quixote. “Remember the true story of the licenciado Torralba, whom the devils took flying through the air, riding on a pole, with his eyes closed, and in twelve hours he arrived in Rome, where he got off at the Torre di Nona, which is a street in the city, and he saw the defeat, assault and death of Bourbon, and by the next morning he was back in Madrid, where he told everything he’d seen, and he also said that when he was flying through the air the devil told him to open his eyes, and he opened them, and he saw so close to himself the body of the moon that he could have grabbed it with his hand, and that he dared not look at the earth for fear of fainting. So, Sancho, there’s no reason to take our blindfolds off. He who has sent for us will take care of us. And perhaps we’re going higher so that we can fall onto the kingdom of Candaya like falcons do when they descend to catch a heron, no matter how high it’s flying. And although it seems to us that it hasn’t been half an hour since we left the garden, believe me, we must have traveled a long distance.”
“I can’t tell,” responded Sancho Panza, “all I know is that if the lady Magallanes or Magalona liked this seat, she must not have had very tender flesh.”
The duke and duchess were hearing all these conversations, and were extraordinarily entertained by them. And wanting to bring the strange and invented adventure to a close, they used some lighted tow to set fire to Clavileño’s tail and immediately—because the horse was filled with thundering firecrackers—it blew up with a strange noise and threw don Quixote and Sancho Panza to the ground, half singed.
By this time, the whole bearded squadron of duennas had disappeared from the garden, Trifaldi, and all, and those who were in the garden were acting as if they had fainted, stretched out on the ground. Don Quixote and Sancho got up badly bruised, and looking around in all directions, they were astonished to see that they were in the garden from where they had left, and to see a great number of people stretched out on the ground. And their astonishment grew when at one side of the garden they saw a large lance stuck in the ground, and hanging from it there were two silk cords on which was a smooth white parchment where was written what follows in large golden letters:
THE ILLUSTRIOUS KNIGHT DON QUIXOTE DE LA MANCHA FINISHED AND COMPLETED THE ADVENTURE OF THE COUNTESS TRIFALDI, ALSO KNOWN AS THE DISTRESSED DUENNA, AND HER COMPANY, JUST BY ATTEMPTING IT.
MALAMBRUNO IS COMPLETELY PLEASED AND SATISFIED, AND THE CHINS OF THE DUENNAS ARE SMOOTH AND PLAIN, AND THE KING DON CLAVIJO AND QUEEN ANTONOMASIA ARE RESTORED TO THEIR ORIGINAL STATE. AND WHEN THE SQUIRELY WHIPPING IS FINISHED, THE WHITE DOVE WILL BE FREED FROM THE FOUL FALCONS THAT PURSUE HER AND WILL BE IN THE ARMS OF HER BELOVED FLATTERER. FOR THIS IS THUS ORDERED BY THE WIZARD MERLIN, PROTOENCHANTER OF THE ENCHANTERS.
Once don Quixote had read the words of the parchment, he understood clearly that it was speaking of the disenchantment of Dulcinea, and giving many thanks to heaven for having completed such a great deed with so little danger, returning to their former complexion the faces of those venerable ladies who were no longer there, he went over to where the duke and duchess were, as they hadn’t come to yet, and grasping the duke by his hand, he said to him: “So, good señor, take courage, take courage—it’s all over. The adventure is finished with no danger to anyone, as is clearly shown by the banner hanging on that column.”
The duke, little by little, and like someone waking from a deep sleep, was coming to, and the duchess was doing the same, as was everyone else who was stretched out in the garden, all showing such wonder and surprise, that it almost looked like they had truly undergone what they had been able to simulate so well. The duke read the sign with half-closed eyes, and then, with open arms went over to embrace don Quixote, telling him that he was the best knight ever seen in any age.
Sancho was looking around for the Distressed One, to see what her face looked like without a beard, and if she was as beautiful without it as her gallant appearance promised. But they told him that as soon as Clavileño dropped burning from the skies and fell to the ground, the whole squadron of duennas along with Trifaldi had disappeared, and they were shaven and without stubble.
The duchess asked Sancho how things had gone in that long voyage. To which Sancho responded: “I, señora, felt that we were flying, as my master said, through the region of fire, and I wanted to take a peek under my blindfold. But my master, who I asked if I could take my blindfold off, didn’t consent. But I have some kind of spark of curiosity in me, and of wanting to know everything that’s put in my way or is forbidden me, I neatly, and without anyone seeing, right at my nose, lifted the blindfold that was covering my eyes ever so slightly, and through that opening I looked at the earth, which was no larger than a mustard seed, and the people were just a bit larger than hazelnuts, so you can see how high we were then.”
To this the duchess said: “Sancho, my friend, do you realize what you’re saying? Because it looks like you didn’t see the earth but rather only the people walking on it. And this is obvious because if the earth seemed to be the size of a mustard seed, and every person like a hazelnut, a single person would hide the entire earth.”
“That’s true,” responded Sancho, “but I was looking through a little slit and saw the whole thing.”
“Look, Sancho,” said the duchess, “when you look through a slit, you can’t see the whole thing you’re looking at.”
“I don’t know about these ways of looking,” replied Sancho, “I only know you should realize that since we were flying by enchantment, by enchantment I could see the whole earth and all the people wherever I looked. And if I’m not believed so far, neither will your grace believe that when I took a peek just above my eyebrows I was so close to the sky that I wasn’t more than a palm and a half from it, and I can attest that it’s very large, señora mía. And it happened that as we passed by the place where the seven little goats are, since I was a goatherd when I was a boy, before God and on my soul, as soon as I saw them, I felt like frisking with them for a while, and if I didn’t do it, I thought I’d burst. So here I am and what do I do? Without saying anything to anyone, I got off Clavileño neatly and quietly and I frolicked with the goats—and they’re like little flowers—for almost three quarters of an hour and Clavileño didn’t budge a step from where he was.”
“And while the good Sancho was frolicking with the goats,” asked the duke, “what was señor don Quixote doing?”
To which don Quixote responded: “Since all these things and all these events don’t happen in the normal way, it’s easy to believe that Sancho says what he does. As for me, I can say I didn’t remove my blindfold either on the way up or on the way down, nor on the ground, nor did I see the heavens, nor the earth, nor the sea, nor the shore. It’s true that I felt that I was going through the region of air, and that I was near the region of fire, but I can’t believe that we went past that area because since the region of fire is between the atmosphere of the moon and the highest region of air, we couldn’t have gotten to where the seven goats are without getting burned. And since we weren’t consumed by fire, either Sancho is lying or he was dreaming.”
“I’m neither lying nor dreaming,” responded Sancho. “You can even ask me what the seven goats looked like, and you’ll see if I’m telling the truth or not.”
“Describe them, then, Sancho,” said the duchess.
“Two of them are green,” responded Sancho, “two of them are red, two are blue, and one is a mixture of all three.”
“That’s a new breed of goat,” said the duke. “In our region of the earth we don’t see such colors. I mean, goats aren’t those colors.”
“Of course not,” said Sancho. “Certainly there are differences between the goats in the heavens and those on earth.”
“Tell me, Sancho,” asked the duke, “did you see any billy goat among those goats?”
“No, señor,” responded Sancho, “but I heard it said that none got by the horns of the moon.”
They didn’t want to ask him any more about his trip because it seemed to them that Sancho was ready to wander through the whole sky, and describe everything that happened, when in reality he hadn’t left the garden. So, this was the end of the adventure of the Distressed Duenna, which amused the duke and duchess, not only then, but for the rest of their lives, and it gave Sancho something to talk about for centuries, if he lived that long.
Don Quixote went over to Sancho and whispered in his ear: “Sancho, if you expect me to believe what happened to you in the heavens, I want you to believe what I saw in the Cave of Montesinos, and I say no more.”