WHEN THE author comes to relate what happens in this chapter, he says he wanted to pass over it in silence, fearful that he wouldn’t be believed, because the madness of don Quixote not only reaches the limits of the most extreme case that can be imagined, but goes two crossbow shots beyond. Nevertheless, although with fear and trepidation, he wrote about don Quixote’s crazy acts exactly as they were performed, without adding or taking away an atom of the truth, not caring at all that people might call him a liar. And he was right, because truth may stretch but it will not break, and it always floats over lies, like oil on water. Continuing with his story, he says that as soon as don Quixote was hidden in the forest, wood, or grove near the great city of El Toboso, he told Sancho to return to the city, and not to come back until he’d spoken on his behalf to his lady, asking her if she would receive her captive knight, and deign to bestow her blessing on him, so that he could expect happy outcomes in all his endeavors and difficult undertakings. Sancho said he would do just as he’d been told, and to take back as good a response to him as he did the first time.
“Go, my son,” replied don Quixote, “and don’t be blinded by the light of the sun of beauty that you’re seeking. You’re more fortunate than all other squires in the world. Remember how she receives you and let nothing escape your notice—if she blushes while you’re giving her my message; if she’s unsettled and confused when she hears my name; if she can hardly sit still on her cushion if you find her in her drawing room; and if she’s standing, watch carefully to see if she first stands on one foot, then the other; if she repeats the answer she gives you two or three times; if she changes from soft to harsh, or from harsh to amorous; if she raises her hand to primp her hair, even though she’s perfectly coiffed; finally, my son, take note of all her actions and movements, because if you can relate to me what they were like, I can tell what she has hidden in the depths of her heart regarding my love for her. You should know, Sancho, if you don’t already, that between two lovers, the actions and physical movements they show are certain indicators that tell about what is going on inside their hearts. Go, my friend, and may better fortune than mine guide you, and may it bring you a better outcome than the one I’m fearing or hoping for in this bitter solitude in which you’re leaving me.”
“I’ll go and come back quickly,” said Sancho, “and cheer your heart, señor mío, for it must be no larger than a hazel nut. Consider what they say, «a stout heart breaks bad luck» and «where there’s no bacon there are no stakes». And also they say «when you least expect it, up pops the hare». I say this because if last night we didn’t find the palaces of my lady, now that the sun is out, I think I’ll find them when least I expect it, and once I find them, just let me at her!”
“Sancho,” said don Quixote, “your proverbs always are so pertinent to the situation at hand—I hope God will give me better luck in what I wish.”
Having said this, Sancho turned to go and whipped his donkey, and don Quixote stayed behind, resting on his stirrups and leaning on his lance, filled with sad and confused thoughts. Here we will leave him in order to follow Sancho Panza, who was no less confused and pensive than his master. He’d hardly gone out of the forest when, first having turned around to see if don Quixote was in sight, he got off his donkey, and sitting down at the foot of a tree, began to talk to himself saying: “ ‘Let’s see now, brother Sancho, where are you going? Is your grace going to look for a donkey that got lost?’ ‘No, not that.’ ‘Well, what are you looking for?’ ‘I’m looking for a princess, that’s all, and she’s the sun of beauty and heaven combined.’ ‘And where do you plan to find what you’re looking for, Sancho?’ ‘In the great city of El Toboso.’ ‘All right, and on whose behalf are you looking for her?’ ‘On behalf of the knight don Quixote de La Mancha, who rights wrongs and feeds those who are thirsty, and gives something to eat to those who are thirsty.’
‘All this is very good. And do you know where her house is, Sancho?’ ‘My master says it has to be a royal palace or splendid castle.’ ‘And did you see her one day by chance?’ ‘Neither I nor my master have ever seen her.’ ‘And do you think it’d be wise if the people of El Toboso knew you’re going there intending to entice away their princesses and disturb their ladies, and won’t they come after you and pound your ribs until you don’t have a sound bone left in your body?’ ‘In truth they would be right unless they realized that I’m only the messenger, and that
‘Don’t put any trust in that, Sancho, because the people from La Mancha can be as angry as they are honorable and won’t put up with anything from anybody, and if they suspect anything, I promise you’ll have bad luck.’ Get out of here! «Let the lightning bolt hit someone else!» «I’m not going to look for three legs on the cat». Furthermore, looking for Dulcinea in El Toboso is like looking for Marica in Ravenna or a bachelor in Salamanca. The devil, the devil himself has gotten me into this and no one else.”
Sancho said this soliloquy to himself, and the upshot of it was that he continued saying: “All right, everything can be fixed except death, under whose yoke everyone must pass when our life ends, even though we don’t like it. Now, this master of mine from all appearances I’ve seen is as mad as a hatter, and I’m not far behind because I’m more of an idiot than he is since I follow and serve him, and the saying is true that says: «Tell me the company you keep, and I’ll tell you who you are», and the other one that says: «Not with whom you’re bred but with whom you’re fed». Being crazy as he is, and his madness being of the kind where he takes one thing for another, and says that white is black and black is white, such as when it seemed to him that the windmills were giants, and the mules of the friars dromedaries, and the flocks of sheep enemy armies, and many other things of that sort, it wouldn’t be hard to make him believe that a peasant girl—the first one that happens along—is the lady Dulcinea, and if he doesn’t believe it, I’ll swear it’s her; and if he swears, I’ll swear even more; and if he argues, I’ll argue more, and in this way I’ll always come out on top, no matter what. Maybe through my stubbornness I can put an end to his sending me on other such errands, seeing the bad news I bring back; or perhaps he’ll think—as I believe he will—that some evil enchanter of those who he says have it in for him, will have changed the looks of this woman to do him a wrong turn and cause him grief.”
With what Sancho Panza dreamed up, his spirit became more relaxed, and he considered the job as good as done. He waited there until the afternoon to allow sufficient time for don Quixote to think he’d been away long enough to go and come back from El Toboso. But things happened better than he expected, because, when he got up to mount his donkey, he saw coming toward him from El Toboso three peasant girls on three young donkeys or fillies (for the author doesn’t state which, although it seems more likely that they were she-asses, since those are what village girls typically ride). But, since this isn’t very important, there’s no reason to stop to try to verify the truth of the matter.
So, as soon as Sancho saw the three peasant girls, he raced back to fetch his master don Quixote, whom he found sighing and saying a thousand love lamentations. As soon as don Quixote saw him, he said: “What’s going on, my friend? Should I mark this day with a white stone or a black one?”
“It would be better,” responded Sancho, “for your grace to mark it with red paint like they do to show professorships so that everyone will be able to see it.”
“So,” replied don Quixote, “you have good news.”
“So good,” responded Sancho, “that all your grace has to do is spur Rocinante and ride into the open to see the lady Dulcinea del Toboso, who is coming with two of her maidens to see you.”
“Holy God, what are you saying, Sancho my friend?” said don Quixote. “I hope you aren’t deceiving me, nor trying to ease my true sorrow with false joy.”
“What good would it do me to deceive you,” responded Sancho, “especially since you’re so near to finding out my truth. Spur on, señor, and come along, and you’ll see the princess, our mistress, coming, all dressed up and covered with jewels, like the lady she is. Her maidens and she are a glowing ember of gold. They look like clusters of pearls and diamonds, rubies, brocades more than ten layers thick. Their hair hangs loose on their shoulders, like so many rays of the sun playing in the wind, and above all they’re mounted on three spotted weldings, a sight to see.”
“There’s not much difference between weldings and geldings—but no matter what they’re riding, they’re the handsomest women you could ever want to see, especially the princess Dulcinea, my lady, who stuns the senses.”
“Let’s go, Sancho, my son,” responded don Quixote, “and as a reward for such news, as unexpected as it is good, I’ll give you the best spoils that I win in my first encounter; and if this doesn’t please you, I’ll give you the colts that my three mares will bear me this year, and you know that they’re about ready to foal in the common meadow of our town.”
“I’ll take the colts,” responded Sancho, “because I’m not sure that the spoils of the first encounter will be good.”
At this point they left the forest and saw the three village girls were approaching. Don Quixote surveyed the road leading from El Toboso, and since he could see only the three peasant girls, he became quite flustered, and asked Sancho if he’d left them just outside the city.
“What do you mean, ‘just outside the city,’ ” he responded, “by chance are your eyes in the back of your head? Don’t you see that they’re these three women, as resplendent as the sun itself at midday?”
“I only see, Sancho,” said don Quixote, “three peasant girls on three donkeys.”
“May God save me from the devil,” responded Sancho. “Is it possible that three geldings—or whatever they’re called—as white as fallen snow, appear to you to be donkeys? As God lives, may they pluck out my beard if that’s true.”
“Well, I tell you, Sancho my friend,” said don Quixote, “that it’s so true they’re donkeys as I am don Quixote de La Mancha and you are Sancho Panza. At least that’s what it looks like to me.”
“Hush, señor,” said Sancho, “and don’t say such things. Open your eyes and come and make obeisance to the lady of your thoughts, who is drawing near.”
Having said this, he went to receive the three village girls, and getting off his donkey, he took the halter of the donkey of one of the three peasants, and went down on both knees, saying: “Queen and princess and duchess of beauty, may your highness and greatness be pleased to receive in your grace and good will your captive knight, who stands in your presence as if made of stone, disturbed, and without a pulse, to find himself before your magnificent presence. I’m Sancho Panza, his squire, and he’s the overwrought knight don Quixote de La Mancha, also known as the Woebegone Knight.”
By this time, don Quixote had gotten down on his knees next to Sancho, and looked with wild and bewildered eyes at the person Sancho called «queen» and «lady», and since he could only see a village girl, and not a very good-looking one, because she was round-faced and flat-nosed, he was confused and amazed, and he didn’t dare say a word. The peasant girls were equally startled, seeing those two men so different from each other and both kneeling before them, and who wouldn’t let their companion get by. This girl, who was surly and annoyed, broke the silence saying: “Get the devil out of the way and let us move on. We’re in a hurry.”
To which Sancho responded: “Oh, princess and universal lady of El Toboso! How is it that your magnanimous heart doesn’t become tender seeing kneeling before your sublime presence the pillar and support of knight errantry?”
When one of the two others heard this, she said: “Whoa, look how these two little men come to make fun of us country girls, as if we don’t know how to joke around just like they do. Go on your way and let us move on, and you’ll be better off.”
“Stand up, Sancho,” said don Quixote, “I see that Fortune, which is not sated with my sorrows, has blocked all roads that might comfort this wretched soul that I bear in my flesh. And you, summit of all perfection that could be desired, limit of all human refinement, the only relief for this afflicted heart that adores you; since the wicked enchanter who pursues me has placed clouds and cataracts over my eyes, and has changed your peerless beauty and features into those of a poor peasant for my eyes only, unless he has changed me into some horrible monster to make me hateful in your eyes, don’t refuse to look at me tenderly and lovingly, witnessing in my submission on bended knees, which I’m making before your deformed beauty, the humility with which my soul adores you.”
“Get out of here!” said the village girl, “I’m not one to listen to this flattery nonsense! Move away and let us go by, and we’ll be obliged to you.”
Sancho moved away and let her pass by, very pleased with the way his deception was working out.
As soon as the village girl who had played the part of Dulcinea found herself free, she spurred her «welding» with her pointed stick and started to race across the meadow. And since the donkey felt the prick much more than usual, it began to buck in such a way that it threw the lady Dulcinea to the ground, and when don Quixote saw what happened, he went over to help her get up, and Sancho went to tighten the packsaddle that had slipped beneath the animal’s stomach. He adjusted the packsaddle, and as don Quixote went to lift his enchanted lady onto the donkey, she relieved him of that chore by getting up by herself, and taking a couple of steps back, took a little run, slapped both hands on the rear of the donkey, and vaulted astride onto the packsaddle like a man, as light as a falcon. Sancho exclaimed: “As Roque lives, that lady, our mistress, is as light as a hawk, and can show the most skillful Cordovan or Mexican a thing or two about mounting a horse. She went over the back of the saddle in a single leap, and without spurs she makes a welding run like a zebra, and her maidens are not far behind, for they’re all running like the wind.”
And it was true, because as soon as Dulcinea got mounted, they all pricked their donkeys and shot off running, without looking back for half a league. Don Quixote followed them with his eyes, and after they disappeared, he turned to Sancho and said: “Sancho, what do you think of those enchanters who despise me so? Look to what point their evil and dislike extends, since they wanted to deprive me of the joy I could have had seeing my lady in her proper form. Truly, I was born to be an example of the unfortunate—to be the bull’s eye where the arrows of bad luck are aimed and shot. And you must also be aware, Sancho, that these traitors were not content just with having changed and transformed my Dulcinea, but rather having changed and transformed her into a figure so low and ugly as that of a village girl, and what’s more they took from her something that ladies of rank have, which is a pleasant aroma, since they’re always scented by perfume and flowers. I’ll have you know, Sancho, that when I went to help Dulcinea get onto her gelding, as you call it, which seemed to be a donkey to me, she smelled of raw garlic, which made me retch and poisoned my soul.”
“Oh, the vile creatures!” Sancho shouted, “Oh, ill-fated and evil-minded enchanters, if only I could see you all strung up by your gills like sardines on a stick! You know much, you are empowered to do much, yet you do even more. It should have been enough, you rascals, to have changed the pearly eyes of my lady into cork tree gall and her hair of purest gold into the reddish hair of an ox tail, and finally, all of her features from good to bad, not to mention her smell, because by it alone we would see what was hidden by that ugly bark. Although, to tell the truth, I never saw her ugliness, only her beauty, which was enhanced by a mole she had above her lip on the right side, kind of like a mustache, with seven or eight red hairs longer than a span growing out like golden locks.”
“According to the way bodily moles correspond,” replied don Quixote, “she must have another one on the side of her thigh on the side where she has the one on her face. But hairs of the length you describe are very long for moles of the size you’ve mentioned.”
“Well, I can tell your grace,” responded Sancho, “that they were there as plain as day.”
“I believe it, my friend,” responded don Quixote, “because nature didn’t put anything on Dulcinea that was not perfect, and so, if she had a hundred moles as you describe, on her they wouldn’t be moles, but shining moons and stars. But tell me, Sancho, that thing that seemed to me to be a packsaddle that you adjusted, was it a plain saddle or a side saddle?”
“It was neither—,” responded Sancho, “it was one with high pommels and short stirrups, with a decorated saddle blanket worth half a kingdom, so rich did it seem.”
“And I didn’t see any of it, Sancho!” said don Quixote. “I say once again and I’ll say a thousand more times that I’m the most unfortunate of men.”
The jokester Sancho had a hard time concealing his laughter, hearing the foolishness of his master, so exquisitely deceived was he. Finally, after further conversation between them, they got back on their mounts and headed again toward Zaragoza, where they planned to arrive in time for the solemn jousts that take place in that illustrious city. But before they arrived, certain things happened to them, and because they were so many, so important, and so unusual, they deserve to be written down and read, as will be seen.
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